Thrash Comics

Now normally I hate it when people talk about music on blogs. I tend to lean with Frank Zappa who said...

Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.

And Rock Blog Journalism is worse as any 14 old girl with a Guitar Wolf cd or a Starship Cobra mp3 can post their "This song totally ROCKS!" review on the web (without really ever telling you much about the song itself, you know?)

And that is why, though I am a passionate lover of Heavy, Thrash and Death Metal, you will never see me trying to explain why I think Arch Enemy rule the planet. Music tastes are subjective, and I like to deal with more concrete topics. Like why Woodgod totally Rocks! ;)

But recently, something happened in the world of comics that has made me decide to rescind my vow of musical silence. I am of course talking about the Scott Ian (of Anthrax) penned issue of Lobo Highway To Hell.

Now if you don't know who Anthrax is, you can pretty quit reading here, cuz I ain't about to try and encapsulate the entire history of American Thrash Metal scene in one blog post. That's what Wikipedia is for. Trust me, if you don't know who wrote Reign In Blood, then I suspect you will find the remainder of this article completely unfathomable.

/end disclaimer.

So with that said, I have decided to examine which other Thrash Auteurs might make worthy candidates to write comics:

Dave Mustaine of Megadeth

Why Dave?

As demonstrated on numerous albums, Dave has a preference for left leaning lyrics and morbid introspection. In interviews, he shows he is capable of witty word play and insightful self-reflection.

What we would like to see:

Dave Mustaine's Silver Surfer

If ever there was a guy who could write a character who rants against the inhumanity of mankind, while mooning over an old girlfriend and bitching about his old boss man, it's Dave. Don't believe me? Let's see what happens when I swap out Stan Lee dialogue and replace it with Megadeth lyrics...



Not really that different is it?

BONUS: James Hetfeld kicks out Dave Mustaine - as drawn by Jack Kirby



If not Dave, then who else would be a likely comic scribe? How about...

Tom Araya of Slayer

Why Tom?

With Tom, I don't think you have to worry about decompression. Like his music, I suspect his comics would be fast, violent and exciting. Also, Slayer's fanbase is amazingly devout.

As Rob Zombie once said...

I want to meet the guy who says he was into Slayer for a few months, but grew out of that phase.

Most metal fans move on to new bands. Slayer fans just get new Slayer tattoos. With a fanbase that loyal, Tom might be able to bring a nice influx of new readers.

What we would like to see:

Skull the SLAYER!

If there is anyone who could pump some effing juice into a such the old Land the Time Forgot idea, it's the man who found a way to turn the phrase Jesus Saves into a insinuative death metal chorus.

Imagine the outrageous carnage and insanity that would ensue in such a story! - It would almost be like a Geoff Johns comic. ;)

Yeah, I know Slayer aren't really known for being great wordsmiths. Actual Slayer lyrics are typically just a few steps above refridgerator magnet poetry.

Deceased in mind decree of Death
Blackened heart baptized in fire
Exertion now need to blitz
Vicious ways brought up in Hell
Draw the line Life or Death
Potent thrust excessive pain
Massive dose adrenalin
Minor threat can not decline

Like I said, lyrics like that should never leave the back of the Mead Spiral notebook from whence they were bourne. Still, on the right project, I think Tom Araya could really shine.

I will cop to one thing - I mostly want to just see this comic produced so I can see a horde of Slayer fans descend upon comic shops and ask for the comic in their typical laidback fashion...



Now THERE is a guy who should be writing comics. ;)

- Jim