Fake Geek Girls, Heavy Metal Posers and other threats to humanity

Over the past few months, I've watched the turmoil that has arisen from people pushing the term Fake Geek Girl. For those of you new to the term this article from Forbes.com by Tara Tiger Brown sums up the concept:


Pretentious females who have labeled themselves as a “geek girl” figured out that guys will pay a lot of attention to them if they proclaim they are reading comics or playing video games. Celebrities are dressing up as geeks to reach a larger audience. Richard Branson labeled himself a geek for crying out loud.

~Tara Tiger Brown, Dear Fake Geek Girls: Please Go Away
3/26/2012

Here is the catchy counter arguement in video format: 

Nothing to Prove - Geek Girls & The Doubleclicks

My take is this: I'm inclined to think that people who fear the supposed onslaught of Fake Geek Girl hordes are at best worried about the devaluation of whatever Geek Cred they have and at worst misogynists.

I've seen both Fan Boys and Comic Professionals make statements that suggest they think Fake Geek Girls are detrimental to their hobby in some way. I think its telling that the same people who are so down on Fake Geek Girls don't seem to have a problem with Booth Babes. Next time a thread about a con wanting to ban Booth Babes pops up, watch how many people will cry in outrage. That to me reveals their personal agenda: Girls in outfits are okay if they are there to entertain me - not get in front of me in the queue for the next Firefly panel.

I used to see this same sort of back and forth in my Heavy Metal days. Back in the 80's, it was common for some people to call metal fans of a certain ilk Posers. However, the definition of Poser was a very slippery thing. Whenever I would press other metal heads or punk rockers for a clear definition, they would start with how someone might dress a certain way but not truly be into the scene. (Which sounds a lot like the FGG issue, doesn't it?)

In the early 80's the classic image people would give me was guys who weren't in a band, but would dress up like Judas Priest and just show up at rock clubs to look cool.



As the years went by, the definition of Poser changed such that it was now guys who looked like Poison or Guns and Roses but might actually be in a band.
 
The defining difference being that the Poser band was seen as jumping on a musical bandwagon  and weren't playing "Real Metal."




So, what's struggling band supposed to do? Well, try to play Real Metal of course. The only thing is - no one could agree what that meant.

Was it Thrash/Power Metal like Metallica?

Nope. Not if you were a Slayer Fan.
And Slayer Fans were called posers by Celtic Frost fans.
And Doom Metal fans thought that Death Metal fans were all posers.
Ect...

The Anti-Poser mindset was like an Onion. As you drilled down through the layers metal of you would always encounter metal-intelligensia who viewed fans who had not heard of the latest undergound band or long lost 60's pioneers in the genre as inferior.

Comedian and unabashed metal-head Brian Posehn made a video about this very idea:

BRIAN POSEHN - More Metal Than You

Currently, I'm seeing a return to this More Metal Than You attitude as fans of the New Wave of Thrash bands like Evile and Warbringer run up against fans of bands like Black Veiled Brides and Avenged Sevenfold. This sort of thing is ultimately unhealthy for the scene as is encourages exclusionary divisions which make people uncomfortable.

I think that's the danger of the whole Fake Geek Girl mindset. I don't really think there is a vast, far reaching conspiracy of Fake Geek Girls vying for the ever so valuable and long lasting attention of fan boys everywhere. It's just an idea that makes some insecure fans feel superior to people they view as a threat in some way.

As far as I'm concerned, no one gets to set the rules on what a real fan is. The guy who can name every single X-men and the guy who only reads black and white independent comics don't get to tell the fan who just started comics with Marvel Now or the Avengers movie that they are a fake geek.

Trying to exclude people from the hobby because they don't meet your standards as a fan is a real jerk move.

- Jim

Thrash Comics

Now normally I hate it when people talk about music on blogs. I tend to lean with Frank Zappa who said...

Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.

And Rock Blog Journalism is worse as any 14 old girl with a Guitar Wolf cd or a Starship Cobra mp3 can post their "This song totally ROCKS!" review on the web (without really ever telling you much about the song itself, you know?)

And that is why, though I am a passionate lover of Heavy, Thrash and Death Metal, you will never see me trying to explain why I think Arch Enemy rule the planet. Music tastes are subjective, and I like to deal with more concrete topics. Like why Woodgod totally Rocks! ;)

But recently, something happened in the world of comics that has made me decide to rescind my vow of musical silence. I am of course talking about the Scott Ian (of Anthrax) penned issue of Lobo Highway To Hell.

Now if you don't know who Anthrax is, you can pretty quit reading here, cuz I ain't about to try and encapsulate the entire history of American Thrash Metal scene in one blog post. That's what Wikipedia is for. Trust me, if you don't know who wrote Reign In Blood, then I suspect you will find the remainder of this article completely unfathomable.

/end disclaimer.

So with that said, I have decided to examine which other Thrash Auteurs might make worthy candidates to write comics:

Dave Mustaine of Megadeth

Why Dave?

As demonstrated on numerous albums, Dave has a preference for left leaning lyrics and morbid introspection. In interviews, he shows he is capable of witty word play and insightful self-reflection.

What we would like to see:

Dave Mustaine's Silver Surfer

If ever there was a guy who could write a character who rants against the inhumanity of mankind, while mooning over an old girlfriend and bitching about his old boss man, it's Dave. Don't believe me? Let's see what happens when I swap out Stan Lee dialogue and replace it with Megadeth lyrics...



Not really that different is it?

BONUS: James Hetfeld kicks out Dave Mustaine - as drawn by Jack Kirby



If not Dave, then who else would be a likely comic scribe? How about...

Tom Araya of Slayer

Why Tom?

With Tom, I don't think you have to worry about decompression. Like his music, I suspect his comics would be fast, violent and exciting. Also, Slayer's fanbase is amazingly devout.

As Rob Zombie once said...

I want to meet the guy who says he was into Slayer for a few months, but grew out of that phase.

Most metal fans move on to new bands. Slayer fans just get new Slayer tattoos. With a fanbase that loyal, Tom might be able to bring a nice influx of new readers.

What we would like to see:

Skull the SLAYER!

If there is anyone who could pump some effing juice into a such the old Land the Time Forgot idea, it's the man who found a way to turn the phrase Jesus Saves into a insinuative death metal chorus.

Imagine the outrageous carnage and insanity that would ensue in such a story! - It would almost be like a Geoff Johns comic. ;)

Yeah, I know Slayer aren't really known for being great wordsmiths. Actual Slayer lyrics are typically just a few steps above refridgerator magnet poetry.

Deceased in mind decree of Death
Blackened heart baptized in fire
Exertion now need to blitz
Vicious ways brought up in Hell
Draw the line Life or Death
Potent thrust excessive pain
Massive dose adrenalin
Minor threat can not decline

Like I said, lyrics like that should never leave the back of the Mead Spiral notebook from whence they were bourne. Still, on the right project, I think Tom Araya could really shine.

I will cop to one thing - I mostly want to just see this comic produced so I can see a horde of Slayer fans descend upon comic shops and ask for the comic in their typical laidback fashion...



Now THERE is a guy who should be writing comics. ;)

- Jim